His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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