DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
