after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
