Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
