Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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