I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
