stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
