I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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