You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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