Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
