We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say ð
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
when your dumb AF ex âaccidentallyâ venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... âsorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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