New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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