You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
