when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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