For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
