i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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