We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
