I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
