Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
