I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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