There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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