I can text with my tongue
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I am one with the molecules
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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