I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
