found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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