Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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