Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
