And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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