she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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