A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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