I'm gonna have a badass scar
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
