So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I have post one night stand depression
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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