Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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