I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
