Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
