Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
