Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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