Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
