Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
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