Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
