I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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