u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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