Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
