I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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