drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
