ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
