So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
