giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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