so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
