made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
