So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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