My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
